søndag den 22. november 2015

I feel too closely connected to these animals

Isn't it said that people and their pets end up looking alike? There are definitely parallels between my family and our two cats ...

Some time after my brother's diagnosis, we became convinced that our oldest (now passed) cat was autistic.
The last few years, one of the age-related oddities our youngest has acquired is weirdly disordered eating - her behavior seems closer to bulimia than my anorexia, but still ...
I could also probably relate both of their clingyness to how both my brother and I have needed longer time than most to become comfortable being away from our parents, but on second thought, cats being clingy is pretty standard, isn't it ...

Either way. Maybe the medical professionals in my life don't need to bother with journals and can just look at my cats.

søndag den 15. november 2015


I just reread this entry and felt the need to tell you this: yesterday was horrible and I spent most of the time from 4 pm to 9 pm crying (not weeping silently, howling). Then around 7:45 until 8:40 I sat down and wrote on a short story, and I got down more words in one go than I have in ages. And I quite like what I wrote, too. The language feels alive in a way I've been having trouble capturing for a long while.

I don't think it was because I was miserable, really. I've been reading good books with beautiful language lately, and that tends to give my own writing a boost. But I still feel it's remarkable that I could produce something while being so exhausted. My head was an utter mess, everything crashing and too much and there was no room for anything. Except my story, apparently.

I've been rethinking what I wrote then about not channeling my pain and feelings into my writing. I read some stories I wrote aloud for my therapy group recently, and I'm discovering that my fiction, too, has more of me in them than I thought. Apparently I do use them to process what I'm feeling; I just don't realize until later.

I'm in much better touch with my emotions now than I was at the time I wrote that entry (though I still have a long way to go); I'm hoping to make the gap between writing the stories and understanding what they deal with smaller. Maybe not close it entirely - it's nice to have something to discover. I've been sick for a while and felt like I've lost an important connection I had to my art before. I think I'm slowly regaining it, and on top of that, I'm starting to feel connected to it in a whole new way, too. Mental illness is horrible, but there's something to be gained from hardship. That would be wonderful.

fredag den 6. november 2015


Et nyt indlæg har jeg ikke lige endnu (ikke et færdigt et i hvert fald), men til gengæld kan jeg med glæde meddele at har et bidrag i antologien OEHL #2, der udkommer på forlaget Ekbátana til november. Der er desuden releaseparty i København d. 27. november, hvis man er interesseret (jeg har ladet mig fortælle at der er både bobler, snacks og oplæsninger).

Mere info findes her: http://www.ekbatana.dk/release-for-oehl-2-i-dome-of-visions-d-27-11/